nice_icons's Datingish

&This feeling is just killing me.

Sun, 15 Aug 2010 11:56:05 GMT

I cant believe that I am still madly in love with the same guy. Its has been going on for 3 whole years already. I'm just so tired & fed up with everything.

On my birthday, which was 3 months ago, he still gave me hopes that we will get back together again. &that was the most memorable &best birthday ever. &in just less than a week, when the new batch of students came in to my campus, everything changed. He met this girl he barely knew, &thus they started developing feelings in such a short time. The next thing i knew, he is was her.

What breaks my heart the most now is the fact that he has another girlfriend already. That he is taken, &he is no more mine, that I am nothing to him anymore. What sucks the most is whenever I see him holding hands and walking so close to her everyday. &whenever someone pops out the topic about how happy he is now with his new girlf, it just hurts so much for me.

It is just so unfair sometimes yknow? I've tried and struggled 3 years of my life to win his heart, &no matter how many times he fails me, how many times he dumped me in a corner, I still kept believing in him. I kept gaving him countless amount of chances. I forgave him against all odds. I gave him my love, my soul, my whole heart, &whatever he wants from me, I gave it all to him. &it hurts to know that a girl he barely knows can win his heart so easily.

Maybe the reason to all this, is that he is bored with me. I'm just unlike any girl he played with, the girl he is done with.

All i can do whenever I see him with her, is just close my eyes, look down &walk away. No matter what I do, he won't come back, he wont be attracted to me anymore, cause I am nothing to him. I update my tumblr like almost everyday, cause I know he knows the link for my tumblr. I know sometimes he still reads it, i dont know why im still trying to get sympathy from him.

I am still waiting and hoping for a day where he realizes that he still loves me, & he'll leave her for me. &we'll start everything all over again.

But this is pathetic. It wont happen.

I am not sure whether he will last long with his current girlfriend now, but I am sure that no girl will ever love him like the way i did over these years. &he will never understand how much hell & pain I've went through.

All i can do now is to pray for him to be happy. I have to stop this. I have to move on already. I feel so disgusted of myself. He has became such a huge impact to my life. &i know never again will I experience such horrible pain & disappointment from someone.

I dont think I can trust anyone like the way I used to. Because the wounds may go away from my heart, but those scars will stay forever. I've tried to love someone else, but i always end up loving him back, despite how I know how much pain he has caused.

But I get stronger day by day. I'm now immune to all the pain already. I just feel so numb now. I'm used to the fact that he is with another girl. I thank God, for keeping me strong up till today. That fact could have kill me, but it didn't.

It just kept me from becoming stronger, though I dont feel happy now, &though I still feel like shit inside, at least i've learnt alot.

I really hope, boy, one day you'll actually realize.

x

I know the way, but still i'm so lost

Fri, 12 Feb 2010 08:36:00 GMT

I just don't get guys sometimes. Are all guys the same?

I've loved this guy for 3 years now. We were together for 3 times before, but we always end our relationship after a few months. The reason to this, is because of his attitude. He tends change after a certain period of time, he'll treat me as a nobody after a while & then his feelings will change towards me, and thus, he'll break up with me. And thats not the end of it, after a few months, when i'm trying to get him out of my life & to move on, he'll come back to me, sweet talking me in all kinds of way just to win back my heart.

I've given him loads of chance, over & over again. I believed in all his silly sweet talk.

I've done & sacrificed alot for him.

Last december,

I went to australia on a vacation for over 5 weeks, and after i came back, he was a whole different person. He treated me the way like how i shouldn't be treated. I couldn't stand it, i broke up with him. & in less than a week, he went to another girl. AND NOW, he's madly in love with this girl in his form.

I don't know why I can't let go of him. Its so damn obvious, that i should let go of him and move on. Yet im blinded by love. I know the way, yet i'm so lost. I just don't know how to forget him.

I still stucked in the past. Struggling to move on again. I'm always in this situation. I knew that this would happen to me, why was i still so stubborn? Why did i let him talked me into getting back with him ?

I cried alot for him. I tried my best to make him stay, and to fix things again, but i failed. He lost interest in me. He said i was being too serious in this relationship. He wants to have fun. It really pisses me off sometimes, when will this guy ever grow up?

I somehow lost trust in all the guys now. I'm not ready to love again.

Is it so hard loving me? Why can't i just let go ?

There are a million & one questions that are running through my mind right now.

WHAT IF?

What if i never accepted him at the first place?
What if i didn't know him at the first place?
What if i didn't give him chances over & over again?
What if i have met someone earlier?

I'm sure i won't be suffering what i am suffering now.

Sigh

I need someone to boost me up

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 10:55:56 GMT

It has been 2 months since we broke up. And now, i am in the process of moving on.

I somehow lost interest in him. I used to have so much to talk to when we texted each other. We never ran out of topics. But now its different. After texting him once or twice, the moment suddenly becomes awkward. I have nothing to talk to him about.

I've heard that he is after this girl in his year, ever since we were together. I am very sure that those rumors are real. How stupid I was, to believe in his silly sweet talk again.

Baby, we'll last forever. We'll get married one day somewhere far far away & Have our honeymoon in France. Then we'll open up a restaurant and have kids. Nothing will go wrong between us. We'll be together forever & always.

Ho yeah. Those were a bunch of bullshit & sweet talk by him few months back. Even after we broke up, he still sweet talked me. Im just sick of all this crap already.

He hasn't contacted me few weeks now. I am surprised that I didn't went & look for him too. Maybe my feeling for him has faded? I am trying to like other guys now. To flirt around ;)

I prepared his breakfast for a couple of weeks in the beginning of this month. I still cared for him. But despite the fact that he is treating me like a dog, i gave up. Im sick of giving & that will be the last.

I won't do anything for this jackass ever again..

GOODBYE!

Good things happen once, twice, but not the third time.

Sun, 02 Aug 2009 10:28:05 GMT

After 4 whole months of being together, we broke off for the second time AGAIN.

The reason this time, is because he told me he wants to concentrate on his studies. He didn't had time for me the past few weeks before we broke up. He changed. His feeling was different towards me & we argue all the time.

Sigh. Maybe this is for both our own good. I have no regrets though for this break up, but I still love him & miss him alot. Its like he has become my daily routine, my addiction. But I know I'm stronger this time with God's help & strength.

I heard rumors that he now flirt alot with other girls & he went around asking girls for their number. I don't know whether should i believe all this. I went over to his house yesterday & handed him some food & cough medicine because I heard he was badly ill. I really don't want him to get hurt or sick even if he doesn't know how appreciate me. I still want whats best for him.

I know one day he'll realize what he've lost & let go, maybe not now, but soon. I have no confidence whether we'll be back together again, but i am sure of one thing, that is no girl will ever love him like the way i have. He'll regret.

Also, i am sure that this time it wasn't my fault for the cause of our break up. Because I know i've tried my best to be a good girl friend. I always understand him & tolerate him. My friends were against him, after they saw the way he treated me. Yet still i'm blinded my his good looks & charm. Sigh.

I need to let go now & wake up. 2 years has been enough. I couldn't move on all this while, cuz I keep giving myself excuses. I can't always have what I want. I can't always follow my heart that will lead me to a dead end.

I've to do something for myself, that is to move on & forget about him. I know all this will end soon. I know God will bless me.

God loved me so much, he gave me him. Now He saw how I've suffered being with him, He wants me to let go. Everything has been planned by the Lord. I know I'll move on soon.

I'M BACK WITH MY EX!

Sat, 13 Jun 2009 12:45:42 GMT

Greetings :D

I haven't been updating for quite some time now. I just want to tell ya'll all that,

I'M BACK WITH MY EX!

This is what I've been hoping and dreaming for ever since 2 years back. I feel oh so grateful. God has given me everything I've ever wanted. I feel like I'm in those dreams I used to have. Having him by my side.

He seems much different than our last relationship. Is as though, he is a completely different person. I can see that he is more serious this time. He is giving much more than the last time. He is afraid that he'll loose me one day.

Luke 17:6 He replied, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you.

I hope that God will continue to bless us.

Maybe I've move on.

Sat, 31 Jan 2009 09:28:29 GMT

Its the last day of January 2009.

Its been more than a year.

22nd of August 2007
At approximately 7 something PM, he has officially became my boyfriend(well ex now).

3rd of September 2007
The first time we held hands. It was noon then. We were in school. Outside his class. That wonderful memory of me feeling his hands will always remain in my soul.

11th of October 2007
Around 12 something pm, we broke up. My world came falling apart then. I felt so numb, I didn't even knew how much tears I've shed overnight.

Those were the only dates that I could recall then. It really scares me. After so long. These dates kept haunting me throughout the year. Those memories. The first time he hugged me, the first time we were on a date & etc.

So yeah. I did something really stupid today. I went over to his working place(which is a restaurant), before that my heart kept pumping really fast, because I haven't seen him for abt 3 months now. While I reached my destination, I saw him.

*I didn't dared to see him earlier because I didn't want myself to fall more deeply in love with him.

So today was the day. I mustered every bravery that I had in my small pathetic lil heart. I decided to give it a try. I decided to see him.

He was standing right outside that Thai restaurant. He was like an angel. The most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my eyes. A goddess. Even when he was in his waiter uniform.

He took a few seconds to recognize me. Until when he realized who I was, he walk over. My hands were all sweaty. I felt really nervous.

But,

The more steps he took to come closer me, I felt as if something was really different. It was not his appearance(though he did dyed his hair light gold & he was hotter than before), yeah whatever, it was as if I'm so unfamiliar with his image.

When he began to talk, & say hi, it even felt more different.

It felt really AWKWARD for me.

I wasn't like how'd I used to be.

My face used to blush, Words that came out my mouth used to jumbled up, I used to sweat alot....
(But those were last time)

Now, its different.

Slowly did i realized that I wasn't crazily in love with him like i used to be.

Its as if that special love feeling that I used to have in him disappeared somehow...

I've realized that this past few months, I wasn't in love with him.

I was in love with his figure in my dreams.

He was totally different like the guy in my dreams, today.

Maybe somehow, I've moved on. Which I wasn't even aware of.

Maybe I've out grown from my childish self.

xxxx

Can't move on.

Wed, 28 Jan 2009 01:38:09 GMT

I seriously need to move on.

It really seems so hard for me. I've tried & tried.

Everything I do it reminds me of him.

I can't seem to destroy this habit. I'm just so use to it.

Why am I still so dumb? Its obvious that he's using me :( Why am I still lying to myself?

Its so scary for me. To be stuck after so long.

But I'm just so weak.

Sigh. I need help.

I still like my ex after 17 months

Tue, 27 Jan 2009 12:31:56 GMT

My ex boy friend of almost 2 months ended our relationship about 16 months back. After a few days he was with another girl of different race. Then the next week, I found out that he was with another girl. I was pretty pissed off at first. But later when I found out he got dumped, all the anger that I had with him faded away.

So yeah Its been more than a year. Yet I totaly still dig him. I'm so dumb right? I know i know. But I just can't help it. My friends gave up on advising me to move on.

I don't exist in his eyes. Its like I'm totally invisible to him.

I don't get why I'm still so hardcore to him.

I love him. More than anything in this world. He treats me like a normal friend now. He makes me melt everytime when he sweets talk me.

I've tried a billion times to move on. Yet I can't up till today.

I haven't seen him for more than 2 months now, cuz he's in college now.

I've seek for advices everywhere, but they don't seem to help.

Its like I'm still trapped in the world he once lived in.

HELP SOMEONE?

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Tue, 27 Jan 2009 12:21:28 GMT

Hi everyone! I'm just getting started on Datingish... Drop me a comment if you've got some ideas on what to do first - or just to say, "Hi!"