I cant believe that I am still madly in love with the same guy. Its has been going on for 3 whole years already. I'm just so tired & fed up with everything.

On my birthday, which was 3 months ago, he still gave me hopes that we will get back together again. &that was the most memorable &best birthday ever. &in just less than a week, when the new batch of students came in to my campus, everything changed. He met this girl he barely knew, &thus they started developing feelings in such a short time. The next thing i knew, he is was her.

What breaks my heart the most now is the fact that he has another girlfriend already. That he is taken, &he is no more mine, that I am nothing to him anymore. What sucks the most is whenever I see him holding hands and walking so close to her everyday. &whenever someone pops out the topic about how happy he is now with his new girlf, it just hurts so much for me.

It is just so unfair sometimes yknow? I've tried and struggled 3 years of my life to win his heart, &no matter how many times he fails me, how many times he dumped me in a corner, I still kept believing in him. I kept gaving him countless amount of chances. I forgave him against all odds. I gave him my love, my soul, my whole heart, &whatever he wants from me, I gave it all to him. &it hurts to know that a girl he barely knows can win his heart so easily.

Maybe the reason to all this, is that he is bored with me. I'm just unlike any girl he played with, the girl he is done with.

All i can do whenever I see him with her, is just close my eyes, look down &walk away. No matter what I do, he won't come back, he wont be attracted to me anymore, cause I am nothing to him. I update my tumblr like almost everyday, cause I know he knows the link for my tumblr. I know sometimes he still reads it, i dont know why im still trying to get sympathy from him.

I am still waiting and hoping for a day where he realizes that he still loves me, & he'll leave her for me. &we'll start everything all over again.

But this is pathetic. It wont happen.

I am not sure whether he will last long with his current girlfriend now, but I am sure that no girl will ever love him like the way i did over these years. &he will never understand how much hell & pain I've went through.

All i can do now is to pray for him to be happy. I have to stop this. I have to move on already. I feel so disgusted of myself. He has became such a huge impact to my life. &i know never again will I experience such horrible pain & disappointment from someone.

I dont think I can trust anyone like the way I used to. Because the wounds may go away from my heart, but those scars will stay forever. I've tried to love someone else, but i always end up loving him back, despite how I know how much pain he has caused.

But I get stronger day by day. I'm now immune to all the pain already. I just feel so numb now. I'm used to the fact that he is with another girl. I thank God, for keeping me strong up till today. That fact could have kill me, but it didn't.

It just kept me from becoming stronger, though I dont feel happy now, &though I still feel like shit inside, at least i've learnt alot.

I really hope, boy, one day you'll actually realize.

x

It has been 2 months since we broke up. And now, i am in the process of moving on.

I somehow lost interest in him. I used to have so much to talk to when we texted each other. We never ran out of topics. But now its different. After texting him once or twice, the moment suddenly becomes awkward. I have nothing to talk to him about.

I've heard that he is after this girl in his year, ever since we were together. I am very sure that those rumors are real. How stupid I was, to believe in his silly sweet talk again.

Baby, we'll last forever. We'll get married one day somewhere far far away & Have our honeymoon in France. Then we'll open up a restaurant and have kids. Nothing will go wrong between us. We'll be together forever & always.

Ho yeah. Those were a bunch of bullshit & sweet talk by him few months back. Even after we broke up, he still sweet talked me. Im just sick of all this crap already.

He hasn't contacted me few weeks now. I am surprised that I didn't went & look for him too. Maybe my feeling for him has faded? I am trying to like other guys now. To flirt around ;)

I prepared his breakfast for a couple of weeks in the beginning of this month. I still cared for him. But despite the fact that he is treating me like a dog, i gave up. Im sick of giving & that will be the last.

I won't do anything for this jackass ever again..

 

GOODBYE!

 

Greetings :D

I haven't been updating for quite some time now. I just want to tell ya'll all that,

I'M BACK WITH MY EX!

This is what I've been hoping and dreaming for ever since 2 years back. I feel oh so grateful. God has given me everything I've ever wanted. I feel like I'm in those dreams I used to have. Having him by my side.

He seems much different than our last relationship. Is as though, he is a completely different person. I can see that he is more serious this time. He is giving much more than the last time. He is afraid that he'll loose me one day.

 

Luke 17:6  He replied, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you.

 

I hope that God will continue to bless us.

 

 

x